So all that talk about being single...

I acquired a boyfriend last night, weird, but I'm really happy!

Feeling good!

Since my last post I feel like I was in a slump. But I'm out of it now, and so freaking happy I'm not miserable anymore. I hate when I'm like that. I got rid of all the shit in my life that was stressing me out, and doing what I want to do. For once I'm not insanely stressed out. I like not having any guy to worry about, and be annoyed with all the time. I is awesome, I'm actually single I don't like anyone, and I don't give a shit that I'm alone. It rules! The only thing I care about right now is school. Nothing is going to eff that up. I have been at Empire for 6 weeks now, and I have passes all of the units, and not just like I just made it. No i go A in all thing units we have done. And all my practicals I have gotten A's on. I have finally found something I'm good at, and I think it is making me more confident, sounds lame but when your good at something and you know what your talking about, you feel good. People in my class come to me for help, and I feel like I'm doing something for once. Its funny how helping someone even in the smallest way, can change your attitude. Which is why I think I am going to go into the teaching program at Empire. Once I am done with that, I want to back to some college and get certified to teach, and maybe in science. That way I can create new colors, and perms, relaxers. I have a goal for once, something that I am capable of reaching. I have my shit together, and I couldn't be happier.

2:24 am havn't left my house in 3 days.

i need to stop being anti-social. Shit has been going better, not that i have any urge to jump for joy. but its ok. I start school at Empire on monday which should be interesting one girl already hates me. She from pennridge. but whatever ill make friends with the Urban's. I am still jobless, which is killing me. Freaking capital one will not stop calling me. damn bill collectors. Other wise shits normal. Melissa has moved in and that's sweet i love her. You would never guess i have 3 girls living in one room. no ones ever home which is kinda good cuz if we were, we would kill each other most likely. but I'm really happy to have her, she a great addition to my friend list. well its not really a list. maybe i need more friends? I was really happy everyone came home for thanksgiving, i saw Rebbecca who is really the only person that's far, but Natalie's house was pretty cool. its like I'm back in 10Th grade woot! ha and then i have also been seeing Katie coz more. i love that girl, or trip to NJ was exciting. tryna do that more often. ride home i wanted to die but it was well worth it. and to whoever that one hoe was at that party in Philly i went to she sucks! I'M FROM PERKASIE BITCH! but yeah anyways i love my friends. maybe i should try hanging out with them...? Leigh Elisa I'm glad to be home love you girls.


some shows are coming up maybe ill leave my house?

Fortress of Shame

It sucks being lied to, and it sucks even more when it from the people you think you can trust. The person i trust most is my mom. We are really close it just when it comes to my father, she gets to wordy about things or stories change. Some stuff just doesn't make sense. Today is the day my father died. I think it will get easier each year but it never does. And me not knowing about him i think makes it worse because it makes me think about him more. I have a horrible memory of my childhood, I'm not sure if i block it out as a way to save myself, or what. I know he did some shitty stuff in the past he drank to much did to many drugs, got into trouble. But I'm sick of being lied to I'm sick of this bullshit. Sometimes i think i might be better off that hes dead, i might have turned out differently, or he would be in jail again, and i might end up hating him alot more. So I'm not sure if I'm glad you killed yourself, glad isn't the right word but maybe you did the right thing for once, and thought it would be for the best. The more i find out about you the more i want to know, and i want to hate you. But at the end of the day i still love you and miss you. And it fricking sucks that when i try to get away from it all there you are.

I would like to thank the art museum and whoever wrote the book pine street hotel for reminding me how much my father sucked.

Thanks.

I Don't ask questions

Or question myself, because i don't want to know the truth, or i don't want to hear it, Or i already know the answer. I don't get why people question me, if i don't even bother to question myself. Why second guess? Just do it, you have one life, eff it, just go for it. You fail and fall face first, do something else. What makes it so wrong to do something out of the norm. When have i ever been normal? I have always done thing I'm my own time, in my own way, i will get where i want to one way or another. So all you people with your opinions and words of wisdom, i don't need it save it for some other smuck, it's great you think your helping. But its really just one more person telling me I'm wrong. So don't question or worry about me, I'll turn out just fine.

Werewolf is to Moons

As Addict is to Drugs.

What turns you?

It's like a flick of a switch.

I'm tired

But i can't sleep, and maybe because it's like 10:30am, but i did go to bed at 4:00am. It looks like its going to rain today, im sorry if your having a parade. 

Chin up kid, things can't get any worse. 

Only better. 

Get those umbrellas out.